mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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