I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
