I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
