She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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