Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You are a genius and a whore.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
