You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When are your genitals available?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
