I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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