Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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