I didn't shave. On purpose
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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