The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam đ
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You couldnât remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders âunlimited hand frittersâ if they wouldnât cut you off.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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