her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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