U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
