My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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