Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
