Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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