yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
