Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
