the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Terrible idea I love it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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