Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
