who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
