I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
