i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
