Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
