Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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