Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
