We won't sleep together?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
