i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
