o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
