If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it was like eating out sand paper
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize