It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
