as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
