I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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