Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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