morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
