I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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