I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
