three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
