the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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