Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
