According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
