i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
