i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
