I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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