You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
