In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
pop tarts are not kleenex
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
