So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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