it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize