You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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