I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
