6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
