did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
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I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.