you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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