You just made me feel so damn special
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
