i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
