we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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