your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
