I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
