If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
