Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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