I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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