why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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