Your dad touched me again.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
