your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
