We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
