I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
