PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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