Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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