I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
