Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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