You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
