I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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