I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But break dance skills will only take you so far
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
