he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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