I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
