In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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