Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
