I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
