$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
