The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
