I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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