My friends, they love my intelligence
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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