im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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