Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
