so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
